Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) players all around the world have announced that they will no longer be playing the game. This conclusion follows years of players recognizing that the game is, in fact, exercise and that they have been committing themselves to physical activity unintentionally.
“The Great Dance Dance Revolution Exodus: Thousands Abandon Game for More Sedentary Hobbies”
DDR, a popular rhythm game in which players match dance steps to on-screen cues, has long been a gaming staple. A recent study, however, indicated that the game gives a moderate to vigorous workout, prompting many gamers to reconsider their connection with the game.
“I was just trying to impress my friends with my slick dance moves,” said one DDR player. “I had no idea I was going to get in shape too. This is unacceptable. I demand compensation!”
“I’ve spent countless hours practicing my dance moves, and now I find out that I’m also getting in shape? That’s not fair. I demand compensation for all the time and effort I put into this game.”
Revolution No More: DDR Devastated by Loss of Fanbase
“I always thought DDR was just a fun way to pass the time,” said longtime DDR player, Manyin Zhou. “But when I found out it was exercise, I was shocked. I don’t want anything to do with that kind of thing.”
The unveiling has caused a wave of panic among the gaming community, with players having stopped visiting the arcades and others having sold off their dance pads. Some have even gone as far as to call for a boycott of the game, claiming that they were tricked into exercising.
“I feel like I’ve been lied to my whole life,” said disgruntled player, Kevin Shannon. “I thought I was just playing a game, but it turns out I was burning calories and getting my heart rate up. That’s not what I signed up for.”
Konami, the developers of the game, have yet to respond to the demands of the players. However, insiders speculate that they may be considering offering players a free gym membership to make up for their accidental weight loss.
As the fallout from this revelaiton continues, the future of DDR remains uncertain. Will the game be able to survive without its devoted player base, or will it fade into obscurity? Only time will tell. “I’m not playing DDR anymore until I get my compensation,” said one player. “I’ll be at the gym instead, where at least I know I’ll be getting in shape on purpose.”